Not My Own

What does God think of the way you deny His purpose over your life? What does God think of self-pity?

@tate

The first time I heard someone say, “Self-pity is a sin,” I felt a thousand lights go on.

“Self-pity is an emotion in which one feels self-centered sorrow and pity toward the self regarding one's own internal and external experiences of suffering. Self-pity has also been defined as an emotion "directed towards others with the goal of attracting attention, empathy, or help"

To pity oneself is to grant relief from the very real overwhelm of the world, relief from being big and making important decisions, relief from being embodied in who you are at any given moment. Relief from self-accountability and solution and POWER. Instead, self-pity allows us to freeze and lie there, becoming the “damsel in distress,” waiting to be saved.

I’ll admit, this habit of mine has been a double-edged sword all my life.

Pity is where my greatest art has been created, but it’s also been responsible for my most hopeless states. The continuous self-inflicted weight on my heart has caused much pain, shame, and extended suffering, bringing me to a place where joy had all but ceased internally.

And so as I write to you in the thick of postpartum, the temptation to complain, to worry, to fret, to fear, to easily-anger is at an all time high. It is EASY to fall into self-pity, especially with the social media barrage sensationalizing the challenges of motherhood. Women are making a livelihood by going online and insufferably complaining.

Complaining about honorable topics I might add, like the burden of motherhood, marriage, pregnancy, being the primary parent, “having to” nurture, etc.

Don’t get me wrong, being able to express life’s challenges is important, but there’s also another side of that coin that isn’t being highlighted. The WHY. The love. The good. We’re unintentionally leading young women and girls into bad attitudes and poisonous spirits of self-pity - FOR THE REASON WE WERE CREATED.

There’s a running joke currently on TikTok - “the girl with the list”. It’s essentially a girl who has an entire list (over 200 items) on her phone all about why having children will not be part of her life experience. She stitches videos of women sharing horrific stories about pregnancy, birth, and motherhood hashtagging it #childfreebychoice.

Watch it here:

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPRv4UUVF/

This is being highlighted in our media and targeted to young women for a reason! It’s becoming part of our culture - denouncing the desire to have a family, labeling motherhood as miserable, encouraging single motherhood, and disposing of marriage altogether, all the while inspiring self-pity for the circumstances we are creating. It’s making us question our life choices and circumstances, and doubt God’s blessings over our lives.

When we decided to become mothers, we decided to carry a cross on our backs. Because being a good mother requires a level of sacrifice and selflessness that this world THOROUGHLY disagrees with.

Instead, we wallow in SELF-PITY and use huge platforms to spread this energy/feeling. These thoughts. This matter. This spirit. And guess what?

It’s contagious.

If it were up to this world, we’d all be single boss babes who never needed a man for anything. We’d be the rich aunties, the City Girls, and the corporate Erins. We would not be mothers, wives, or aspiring matriarchs.

We would not aspire to the purpose of our biological design.

@blackarchives.co

Let me tell you something.

You will never be full-bodied without dying to yourself. Without stripping your flesh.

You will never come into that fullness without accepting your purpose, your responsibility as a woman. Why you are here incarnate - to bear/nurture children, to be protected in a covenant under God, to show other women the way.

And if I desire to obtain God’s promises for my life, I choose to have my mind renewed, my heart restored, my eyes changed. I CHOOSE TO TURN AWAY FROM THE WAYS OF THIS WORLD. I choose to learn to quiet and control my mind and my tongue, and to step into prayer whenever I feel the urge to pity myself.

I’ve been praying on posturing my heart so that I view my children as blessings instead of burdens, to have a positive attitude and not complain. I’ve been praying for my sight to be corrected. To be their mother is an honor.

Because I am facing a darker part of my life with many transitions, heartache, grief, it would be easy for me to fall into victimhood/self-pity. It would be easy to fall into thought patterns of wishing to be saved. Of blaming, protesting, and flat out giving up.

Instead, I realize that my salvation is my duty.

I choose to take full responsibility for my life and I am reminded that there is so much MORE life to live. So much more love to give. The greatest thing I can do for this world is to change my own mind and heart, so I choose to use words that soften and nurture life.

I choose to view my children as blessings straight from God. And in that, I go against the world. I honor His creations and I demonstrate trust for His plan. His will. Leaning into His understanding.

Not my own.